SiZ (Test)

J. Golden Kimball, A Very Funny Mormon

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghB9xs7zCyil6pyoiVgBRcAYEt4cO654ZBSCo4PHKvr6CrGUL00EAMj30I7QxuXGr42EjfefKFklpgbj3EUwVnEfTsfflLVCU0IkPLLhddTWGpvgF_1S1H6QwnPX-ne2rTH4_baT_8bck/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghB9xs7zCyil6pyoiVgBRcAYEt4cO654ZBSCo4PHKvr6CrGUL00EAMj30I7QxuXGr42EjfefKFklpgbj3EUwVnEfTsfflLVCU0IkPLLhddTWGpvgF_1S1H6QwnPX-ne2rTH4_baT_8bck/s200/3.jpg" width="132" /></a>Our non-LDS readers may not know this, but <a href="http://www.lds.org/">LDS</a> Church leaders are actually known to have keen senses of humor. One of the funniest in our opinion is <a href="http://www.gapages.com/kimbajg1.htm">J. Golden Kimball</a>. There are many funny stories and quotes attributed to him and we don't know which stories are 100% accurate and which are <a href="http://www.mormon.org/">Mormon</a> folklore but we do know they are hilarious, here are a few:<br /><br />There was to be an impressive tour given to some dignitaries from other lands. J. Golden Kimball was assigned to the tour as a guide. They first took a bus trip to the important historical sites in and around Salt Lake City. Brother Kimball would constantly remind the visitors how fast buildings were put up by the industrious Mormons. Every time he would say so, one of the dignitaries on the tour would say, "Oh, is that right? In our country we could do it in half the time." J. Golden began to get madder and madder as the dignitary persisted to offer such comments. The tour was to end by having the bus drive around Temple Square. Then this dignitary asked, "What is that building there?" as he pointed at the Temple. "Damned if I know," said J. Golden. "It wasn't there yesterday." (<a href="http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden02.htm">http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden02.htm</a>)<br /><br />The story is told that someone stopped Elder J. Golden Kimball on the street on one occasion. There had been a little difficulty in Elder Kimball's family that had become publicly known, and whoever it was who stopped him, no doubt with a mind to injure, said, ' Brother Kimball, I understand you're having some problems with one of your children.' His answer was, ' Yes, and the Lord is having some problems with some of his, too.' (<a href="http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden12.htm">http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden12.htm</a>)<br /><br />President Grant sent a note to Golden. The note read that there was a member of the stake presidency from Coalville, who had passed away. His wife had requested Golden speak at the funeral. Golden didn’t get the note until he returned from a Church assignment in Southern California. By then the funeral was in an hour, and Coalville was almost two hours away He hopped in his Model T and drove as fast as he could. When he arrived, the funeral was almost over. The bishop saw Golden walk in. "Brother Kimball, come forward. We’d like to hear from you." <br /><br />He went up and said, "I’m very happy to be here. I’m sorry I’m late. I want to tell you what a wonderful person this man was. I knew him, I’ve stayed in his home. He was an inspiration to me. He was a good father, he was a good husband. He goes to a great reward." As he started to hit his stride, he looked out in the audience. About the eighth row back, there sat the man he thought was dead! So he looked down in the casket. He did not recognize the man lying there. Confused, he turned and said, "Say Bishop, who the hell’s dead around here anyway?" (<a href="http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden14.htm">http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden14.htm</a>)<br /><br />Be Blessed and Highly Favored, <br />Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

J. Golden Kimball, A Very Funny Mormon

Our non-LDS readers may not know this, but LDS Church leaders are actually known to have keen senses of humor. One of the funniest in our o...

Diary of a Mad Black Mormon

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYyXrg5xIxPaVTfYKhZfWYqZ-nhXbtHvSeQYV2v0zi1n3r7RnEnPapr659XRf5rwzehDHW71qfPavXd0W7rXqZnlczlZix1S-wnU5ezRgiKTJojLOz1bmZ4mq_vFqBbq9QEb-Wwx-5MVY/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYyXrg5xIxPaVTfYKhZfWYqZ-nhXbtHvSeQYV2v0zi1n3r7RnEnPapr659XRf5rwzehDHW71qfPavXd0W7rXqZnlczlZix1S-wnU5ezRgiKTJojLOz1bmZ4mq_vFqBbq9QEb-Wwx-5MVY/s400/1.jpg" width="283px" /></a>Dear Diary, today I was chased in an <a href="http://lds.org/temples/">LDS Temple</a>. It startled me because the temple is a very reverent place where people aren't usually speed walking. I didn't recognize the woman at all, so I picked up my pace and I tried to get to where I was going as fast as I could. When the out of breath woman finally caught up to me she said, "How do you say welcome in Ghana?" You know that song, I Stand All Amazed...well I was standing there...in the temple... looking at her... all kinds of amazed! "I don't know," I finally said. She started telling me a story about somebody in her family, who is or was going on a <a href="http://mormon.org/missionaries?gclid=CLmytsXAsKgCFQU6gwodrAGHHA">mission</a> to Africa, I'm not really sure because I was too stunned to process correctly. What made this probably nice and usually sane lady ask me that?<br /><br />Dear Diary, today I attended an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ward_(LDS_Church)#Singles_wards">LDS singles</a> ward dance. I was doing my thang and having a great time when this overly confident young man approached me and asked me to dance. While we were dancing he said, "You know why I asked you to dance?" "Because I'm one of the few girls here with rhythm," I said. "No," he said "I want to touch your hair." Now, I know that Mormon guys can be awkward, but this dude was way past that. "Excuse me," I said. "Oh no, it's cool," he said "One of my mission companions was black and he had the coolest hair, I use to rub his head all the time, but I've never touched a black girls hair, and I..." That’s all I heard, as I was walking away.<br /><br />Dear Diary, today I was at the swimming pool and this man kept staring at me. Finally he came over to me and said "Where are you from?" I named a city and state, but then he said, "No, I mean where are your people from?" "Oh," I said and then told him the state my people were from. "No, I mean before that," he said. Now I was getting frustrated so I said, "Before that they were probably on somebody’s plantation, and before that they were on a boat, before that they were probably somewhere in Africa, before that the <a href="http://lds.org/study/topics/plan-of-salvation?lang=eng">pre-existence</a>, look what's it to you.” You’re from Nigeria,” he said, “I served my mission there, and you look just like the people there." He was grinning from ear to ear, and I was picturing myself pushing him into the pool.<br /><br />Dear Diary, today I attended <a href="http://lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng">General Conference</a> at the <a href="http://lds.org/placestovisit/eng/visitors-centers/conference-center">Conference Center</a> with my family. An older couple walked up to us and the wife said, "Can I please give you a hug?" Before I could answer she wrapped her arms around me and started crying. She then began hugging each of my family members in turn. We were very scared and hoped some of the men walking around in black suits were secret service agents. Her husband said that they had just returned home from serving as <a href="http://lds.org/service/missionary-service/senior-missionaries?lang=eng">senior missionaries</a> in St. Louis. They had served in the poor areas and seeing our family had caused them to be overcome with great joy because we reminded them of the people in St. Louis who they had come to know and love.<br /><br />Brothas and Sistas, we aren’t really mad, and we know that people from all cultures have experiences like these with missionaries who have served in their neck of the woods. Usually after the initial shock and embarrassment wear off, we get a really good kick out of it. We were just wondering is there a class they could teach in the <a href="http://www.mtc.byu.edu/">MTC</a> (Missionary Training Center) that would cover what not to do, say or ask people who look like they could be from where you served your mission…lol!<br /><br />Have a blessed day,<br />Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Diary of a Mad Black Mormon

Dear Diary, today I was chased in an LDS Temple . It startled me because the temple is a very reverent place where people aren't usually...

Caption This!

If this were a MORMONAD what would the caption be?

Stake Dance Wars

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk9apbwKJvI7cFqfNqPMIgzIsWEO-hQVKKFpYclWFBnl3eFnbDzIQFwOcH94kxyKJeh1jlAAq5j-FCwU0wbkaTVXvzTkl5RhAtwEQv3d8XmDqsojIPkutGS_gkLEnkW0wytXEiywOQJew/s1600/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk9apbwKJvI7cFqfNqPMIgzIsWEO-hQVKKFpYclWFBnl3eFnbDzIQFwOcH94kxyKJeh1jlAAq5j-FCwU0wbkaTVXvzTkl5RhAtwEQv3d8XmDqsojIPkutGS_gkLEnkW0wytXEiywOQJew/s1600/4.jpg" /></a>I attended a very diverse <a href="http://www.lds.org/">LDS</a> <a href="http://eom.byu.edu/index.php/Stake">stake</a> where I was <a href="http://lds.about.com/od/organizationsauxiliaries/p/church_callings.htm">called</a> to work with the <a href="http://eom.byu.edu/index.php/Youth">youth</a>. Our stake was diverse in age, racially, culturally, economically, socially, you name it. Many blessings come from being surrounded by people who are different from you, yet all having common ground as brothas and sistas in the Gospel.<br /><br />Minus the out-of-whack hormones, I enjoy working with the youth. However, there is one youth activity that can get a little crazy when working with a diverse group...a stake <a href="http://eom.byu.edu/index.php/Dance">dance</a>. Somehow I always find myself on music duty, which means sitting next to the DJ, keeping the girls from flirting with him and maintaining the requests list. If you think that sounds easy, you don't know how wrong you are.<br /><br />First issue, age, there could be a ninety year old sister serving punch and cookies and the youngest teens at an LDS dance are usually fourteen. What happens is: dear sweet Sister 1920's shuffles over to let me know that she finds the music too loud. Then Brother So-and-so wants me to translate every rap song because he can't understand what they're saying. Another sister comes by and asks that we try not to play so much rock music, it makes the boys jump in to each other and it's dangerous.<br /><br />Then there are the kids. The black kids inform me they came to the dance to get crunk (have a good time), but they can’t because the music is whack (bad). The DJ plays a hip-hop track. The Hispanic kids stop by to let me know that they want to <em>really</em> dance, and you can't <em>really</em> dance to what the DJ is playing, please, please, play some Bachata (a form of music and dance that originated in the Dominican Republic). The DJ obliges. <br /><br />Some of the Asian kids want to get a break dance battle going, so could the DJ hit’em with a tight (cool, hip, amazing) beat. The Polynesian kids would like to chill (hang out, relax) to something mellow. The DJ plays a little something-something with ukulele in it. A group of white kids come over, like (a word spoken in between each word in a sentence, usually used by teenage girls) do you like have any like High School Musical.<br /><br />By now the DJ officially thinks <a href="http://www.mormon.org/">Mormons</a> are crazy (there goes any chance of converting this dude) and he can't wait to get out of here. Play some Beach Boys and the leaders are on the dance floor, but the kids are a united front and clearly on strike. The girls say there are not enough slow dances the boys say there are way too many.<br /><br />It’s the end of the night, there are no satisfied customers. I tell the DJ to put a <a href="http://www.michaeljackson.com/">Michael Jackson</a> song on. The dance floor fills up. Leaders know his music; the kids are poppin’ n lockin’ (urban dance style associated with breakdancing). Finally everyone is happy. Brother so-and-so is boogieing this way (what now, he can’t possibly need me to translate Michael Jackson). In between his spazmatic dance moves, he tells me that he likes Jackson 5, but The <a href="http://www.osmonds.com/">Osmonds</a> are better. <br /><br />Now I’ve had it, the DJ announces last song and asks me what he should play. Everyone seems to be pretty happy with Michael Jackson, so I figure we stick with Michael and end the night on an up swing. “How about <em>"Beat It"</em>,” I say. Here’s to hoping they all get the hint. ;-)<br /><br />God is Good,<br />Sista Laurel

Stake Dance Wars

I attended a very diverse LDS stake where I was called to work with the youth . Our stake was diverse in age, racially, culturally, econo...

A Different Kind of Saint

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtABfnTysTYgEtct74boFzAqNVgdZRXq-y8zXh-wSBo5OddaxtPT4OfEnFugL71VFf0rVNZEiOdXqVhZEmQV24fqo2jOfjTrh_14J6nXYL256jFzTXFsw5dztL_myhbr2O6I8lRnSCTcI/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtABfnTysTYgEtct74boFzAqNVgdZRXq-y8zXh-wSBo5OddaxtPT4OfEnFugL71VFf0rVNZEiOdXqVhZEmQV24fqo2jOfjTrh_14J6nXYL256jFzTXFsw5dztL_myhbr2O6I8lRnSCTcI/s320/1.jpg" width="320" /></a>Being a convert to the <a href="http://www.lds.org/">LDS</a> faith, I am very blessed to have had the opportunity to develop a love for His word. While I have a firm testimony in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I really enjoy going back to my family church, the Pentecostal church, to listen to the preachers and to allow the music to fill my soul and testify to my spirit. I love gospel music and one of my favorite artists is Ms. <a href="http://cecewinans.com/"><span style="color: purple;">CeCe Winans</span></a>. One of her songs <em>"Alabaster Box"</em> is a story that I think many of us can relate to:<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><em>"The room grew still</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>As she made her way to Jesus</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>She stumbles through the tears that made her blind</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>She felt such pain</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Some spoke in anger</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Heard folks whisper</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>There's no place here for her kind</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Still on she came</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Through the shame that flushed her face</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Until at last, she knelt before his feet</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>And though she spoke no words</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Everything she said was heard</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>As she poured her love for the Master</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>From her box of alabaster"</em></div><br />As a teenager I was given a beautiful cross necklace by one of my relatives. I had no idea that wearing it to the LDS church would create such a frenzy. The reaction that I received from other members especially the adults was very hurtful, and if I didn't have a steadfast testimony in the Gospel, I might have left the church. I couldn't understand why they continued to tell me "We don't wear crosses." Who was "we?" And why don't "we" wear crosses? Umm, when I got baptized that wasn't one of the things that the missionaries said we couldn't do.<br /><br />For those members who have a long family history in the Church, who come from what some members like to call “Pioneer stock” it must be difficult to deal with converts that march to the beat of their own drum. Yet, still manage to stay in rhythm with the rest of the saints. Does it really matter if some people take the Sacrament with their left hand?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><em>"And I've come to pour </em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em></em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>My praise on Him</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Like oil from Mary's alabaster box</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>And I dry them with my hair</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>You weren't there the night He found me</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>You did not feel what I felt</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>When he wrapped his love all around me and</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>You don't know the cost of the oil</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>In my alabaster box"</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />We all at some point find ourselves searching for His image in our countenance. A few years ago, I was wandering through a store in an area with a predominantly white demographic, and noticed a picture of Jesus Christ. It was an image of Jesus portrayed as a black man. I grabbed the picture and found myself in the longest line ever. Being short on time I put the picture back with the intention of returning for it when I had more time. </div><br />When I returned I found that all of the copies of that particular image were gone. I inquired as to how I could order a copy of the image only to have the sales clerk disappear to the back room and return with a copy. I inquired about why the picture was in the back and was told that the image of Christ was offensive to some of the customers so they were told to pull it.<br /><br />It doesn’t shock me that white people tend to gravitate toward images of Christ that favor them, just as people of color may gravitate to the images of Him that look the most like them. We all want to feel that we were indeed created in His image.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><em>"I can't forget the way life used to be </em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>I was a prisoner to the sin that had me bound</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>And I spent my days </em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Poured my life without measure</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Into a little treasure box</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>I'd thought I'd found</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Until the day when Jesus came to me</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>And healed my soul</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>With the wonder of His touch</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>So now I'm giving back to Him</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>All the praise He's worthy of</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>I've been forgiven </em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>And that's why</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>I love Him so much"</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The message is: My relationship with the Savior is personal. The way I choose to worship and show gratitude for what the Savior has done for me may be different than what you were taught, but that doesn't place less value on me in the eyes of my Savior, does it? I'm really grateful that as a youth I was taught in a church that encouraged and pushed me to figure out for myself the type of relationship that I wanted to have with God, Jesus Christ and my earthly brothas and sistas. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I'm happy for the example of the <a href="http://eom.byu.edu/index.php/Following_the_Brethren">Brethren</a> and the way they LOVE people. All people. They seem to embrace the people and the cultures they come in contact with. I've even witnessed them singing and clapping along while they listen to a gospel song, Negro spiritual, or giving an Amen, and I often wonder...what is it that they know that the rest of us don't. </div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><em>"You don't know the cost of the oil in my Alabaster Box"</em></div><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/kfVwIARBZW8?rel=0" title="YouTube video player" width="425"></iframe><br /><br />Your Sista in the Gospel,<br />Sista Beehive

A Different Kind of Saint

Being a convert to the LDS faith, I am very blessed to have had the opportunity to develop a love for His word. While I have a firm testimo...

Can Mormons Dance?

We get this question a lot from some of our non- LDS readers, CAN MORMONS DANCE? If you are asking if we are allowed to dance, the answer...

J. Golden Kimball, A Very Funny Mormon

Diary of a Mad Black Mormon

Caption This!

Stake Dance Wars

A Different Kind of Saint

Can Mormons Dance?

Popular Posts

Archive